Day sixty one: dinosaur jr

The final haiku in my triumvirate of Jenny requests is about dinosaurs, and what better way to resurrect my favourite joke as a kid:

They've just discovered
A blind dinosaur. It's called
Dyouthinkhesaurus

Boom, and indeed, boom.

Day sixty: Hugh-bee-do

As part of Jenny's previous (yesterday's) request, she also asked for something on Hugh Laurie and dinosaurs. I am a fan of both of those things. I would have liked to have combined the two, but space didn't permit. Still:

Hugh, you are lovely,
Even your Spanish Schweppes ads
Have a boyish charm

And here's one of them



And here he is in one of my favourite scenes of my favourite of his roles

Day fifty nine: The Three Craws

On Tuesday I mentioned Monday's fantastic Three Craws gig, and my friend Jenny has requested one specifically about it for today. I'm more than happy to oblige.

Blue bleezin' blind drunk;
Home taping is killing Fife;
Beautiful voices

Here's a clip of those beautiful voices in action at Green Man 2008.



Fence Records.

The Beach Boys - Til I Die (alternate mix)

It's probably 10 years since I heard this song, but it still has the capacity to be completely disarming. Those voices!

Day fifty eight: being not there

Lizzie Poulton's just been in Barcelona, and needless to say it's a bit of a bummer being back in the UK. Can't say I blame her, but hey, it's good to look forward to things, and have good memories of places. And on that note:

Not being there means you
Can appreciate the best
Memories of there

Lizzie's 10 weeks of plagiarism blog is quality, and it's here.

Day fifty seven: city at night

Went to the super Three Craws & OLO Worms gig at the Luminaire last night, after which I stayed at Ade Brown's place - Ade's been doing a walk a day for his 100 days project, and a map of the routes he's taken so far are on his blog. It's very impressive, and of course it stood to reason that we should take a brisk stroll between night buses

Walking the West End
I had a slice of pizza
And a quick jimmy

Day fifty six: an ode to pooches in the park

Not much in life makes
Me happier than seeing
A dog having fun

Day fifty five: bladdered

When I asked for any haiku requests the other day, the lovely and talented Chrissy Williams said, and I quote, "I read your tweet just as an ad came on the telly for "...bladder and pelvic weakness...". Any good? Alternatively, dogs!"

So...tomorrow there will be one on dogs, but in all seriousness...

It wouldn't be right
To take the piss out of a
Bladder problem. Oh...

Happy now, Chrissy? Happy now?!

Day fifty four: the taxman

You may recall me writing about Neil's move to Warsaw. Now here's one for Heidi, the other half of we sink ships. She's been having tax return issues, and this is an ode to that.

Tax doesn't have to
Be taxing. It doesn't have
To be, but it is

Here's a song. I've been listening to lots of Brian Eno lately.

Day fifty three: first an earthquake, now this

Rod Stewart, Leona Lewis, JLS and Michael Buble have all agreed to take part in the Haiti charity single, which has been organised by Simon Cowell.

What did those poor souls
Do to deserve this? Bublé?
Rod Fucking Stewart?

I can confirm that 'Rod Fucking Stewart' is my favourite line in the 53 haikus I've written to date.

Day fifty two: Wild Party

I was queuing at the supermarket earlier, and the below photo on the front of one of those magazines covering celebrity gossip/mum stuff/grizzly murders caught my eye, in particular its caption.



You should've been there.
So fucking wild. At one point
Ronan went "wahey!"

Now, I would never claim to be some kind of non-stop party tearaway, but if Ronan Keating going "wahey" behind someone with a ropey facelift* is what constitutes a wild party then I'm like Keith Richards!

*I have been informed via comment that it is not a facelift, for legal reasons.

Day fifty one: No explanation necessary

I'm never banking
With Halifax, due to their
Horrendous adverts

And I think their latest one is the worst of the lot

Day fifty: Amelie Cleary

Wow, halfway through the 100 days project thing. That reminds me that I must buy a ticket for the thing on March 10th. And I suggest that you do too.

Anyway, someone calling themselves 'marancat' left a really lovely comment on my day 49 post. I've had a mega busy day and when I saw read it while speeding northwards from Kings Cross it genuinely cheered me. She also said that her friend Sue was unhappy at the moment, so here's one for her.

Hey Sue, don't be blue.
I don't know you, this is true,
But I bet you're coo(l)

I hope it works. I like the idea of simple acts to make people happy. Maybe I'll do an Amelie and hop on a Eurostar to give chicken to Parisian winos or something.

ps. just checked out marancat's blog. It's here and there's lots of lovely stuff on there for your perusal.

pps. I'm totally listening to the Amelie soundtrack now.

Day forty nine: an excuse to use the word 'moustachioed'

I'd been growing a beard for the last month or so, with the intention of seeing it through, but I've got a few potentially significant appointments tomorrow, and the beard was looking really quite messy, so it had to go. However, shaving a beard off does always have a good side effect.

Shaving a beard is
An excuse to see what I'd look
Like moustachioed

And the answer is: like a sex offender

The culmination of this post was due to be posting a photo of myself moustachioed, but the one I took was so bad that I couldn't even consider revealing it to the world.

Day forty eight: on subtlety

Bianca requested a haiku about subtlety, and here it is:

Some understated,
Brief tirades lead everyone
To your conclusion

Here's her blog, with her 100 days updates and plenty of other things too, and a very aesthetically pleasing blog it is too.

Day forty seven: smiles and trees

I got a request from So-Shan Au on Twitter to write a haiku about smiles and trees. I was going to do two separate ones, but then got the image in my head of marking the bark of a tree with a smile, then leaving it to grow there after I'd gone away. I might actually do that. Anyway, it's a nice thought, so I thank her for that!

I'll carve a big smile
Onto a tree, so it stays
There longer than me

Here is her lovely blog

Day forty six: an ode to leaving

The haiku requests will continue tomorrow, but I just wanted to do a special one in reference to it being my last day in my current job today. Corus has been good to me overall, but things have gone so quiet in the last few months that I really had to go. And also I've been pretty desperate to get out of Scunthorpe for some time now. So I'm making the move to London early next month - haven't got a new job or anywhere to live yet, but I'm working on that. The strange thing is that, while I'm usually not afraid to show my emotions, I feel oddly emotionless about leaving, even though I've been with the company for 5 years, and in my current department for 2.5 years. I don't think I'm in denial either, I just don't really feel anything. I guess this may be evidence that I'm doing the right thing by leaving.

I feel neither joy,
Nor sorrow, just indifference.
Kind of says it all.

I am, of course, going to have a fair amount to drink with my colleagues tonight, which is why I wanted to write this now and not later for fear of drunkenly using the "c" word. Yes, "cry".

Day forty five: mission to Warszawa

Neil, one half of the wonderful We Sink Ships asked me to write a haiku about his imminent emigration from Glasgow to Warsaw, and I was only happy to oblige. Moving to a different country is an immensely brave thing to do if you ask me, and I wish him the best. As for the city he's going from and to...well, I love Glasgow, it's a fantastic place, but...

Bowie named a song
After Warsaw, not Glasgow.
Ergo, Warsaw wins




Edit: ok, it's not imminent, he's actually already gone it would seem, but the sentiment remains the same on my part.

Day forty four: it's a love/hate relationship

I find that whenever I have gin, I could just have one along with a load of other stuff, but if I'm hungover the next day there's only one flavour that's stuck around. It reminds me of the time I had a vegetable curry which contained juniper berries while suffering from a monstrous hangover, and when I eagerly bit into one my mouth was filled with the taste of gin. It was weird wild stuff. Will it stop me drinking it again (and again)? NEVER.

I love gin, but if
I have gin, all I can taste
The next day...is gin

I don't know what the deal is with ellipsis/a dramatic pause in a haiku, whether it's allowed. Oh well, screw you, the rules!

Oh, and the gin haiku was requested by Siobhan (wigglymittens on twitter). Check out her 100 days sketches and drawings here. They're very sweet.

Alasdair Roberts - Willie Leonard

I'm in the mood for some Ali Roberts. That guitar, that voice! Whewee.